Of Course I Love You, I Married You Didn't I?

Men what do you do to let your bride know that she is loved by you?  Do you buy her things?  Take her out dancing?  Sit in front of a roaring fire and gaze longingly into her eyes, sharing your deepest and most intimate thoughts? Perhaps you take her to the firing range and shoot off a few hundred rounds. Or maybe you just make sure that things around the house are fixed and taken care of.

You know as many different women as there are on this planet, there are at least that many or more ways to show her how you love her.  The real question is, are you even doing anything?

A friend of mine talked about how he was counseling a married couple one day and that after the wife poured out her heart and was in tears she said, "I just feel like he doesn't even love me."  To which he replied, "You don't know if I love you?  I married you didn't I?"

Now while this is kind of humorous, it does point out a need, and that is that your wife needs to know that you love her, really know it.  Just because you married her isn't enough.  It is a continual thing.  What I've learned in my own life is that one of the problems may be that you are loving her in a way that doesn't really mean anything to her.

There is this great book out there written by Gary Chapman called The Five Love Languages.  In it he explains that there are five distinct ways in which people show and receive love, they are:

1. Words of affirmation
2. Quality time
3. Receiving gifts
4. Acts of service
5. Physical touch

Let's say for instance that your bride's love language is physical touch, and that your's is acts of service. To you, she seems clingy, and to her you seem disinterested in her.  This is because you are both loving each other according to how you like to receive love, and it will cause you to end up wondering why your spouse doesn't seem to get you.  As Gary Chapman puts it, your love tank is on empty.

The first thing you need to do if you haven't read this book is to go and get a copy of it.  As you read it, you will begin to see what your spouse's love language is and how she needs to be loved.  If you will take the time to make the necessary corrections, and begin to love her in the ways that she needs, you will see your relationship grow by leaps and bounds.

There is this great little song in the movie Enchanted that I love.  Right before this song the characters are talking about how the man loves his fiance, but Giselle asks him how she knows, and he says, "She just does."  After the song, you see them with the fiance and she is going crazy kissing him and telling him how she loves the flowers, wondering how he got the doves to bring them to her.  She is also excited that he is going to take her to the King's Ball. (Something during the song that he said would not be fun)  It is pretty evident that her love language is receiving gifts.  Take a look at the video, it is one of my all time favorites.

Now, I don't know of any man who would cut off his arm or leg on purpose (unless it was  crushed under a boulder of course).  So why is it that we insist on loving our brides the way that we think they should be loved instead of taking the time to find out exactly how she needs to be loved?  To me that's kind of like cutting off your arm for no reason.  So let's find out, and then start to love our wives the way that they need our love, not just the way we "think" they need it.  

Strength and honor for the Kingdom and the King!